Friday, April 29, 2011

And Pigs Could Fly!

As is evident from the state of this blog, I am not much of a writer. But just as every kid is allowed to dream of being a Sachin someday, every adult is allowed to think he can collaborate with MS Word to cook up a semblance of a novel someday. After 3 failed attempts, I had given up but a colleague in office suddenly sparked the ambition to give this another try.
Dont worry, the spark has gone now - it went within 20 minutes of it coming! So here I am blogging again as a much cheaper substitute of that grand ambition of penning a novel.

Below is a list of stories i attempted to write, huffed and puffed my way to various degrees of what you would only remotely call a "START", before LAZINESS reared up its ugly head and I went back to chasing money, and women (mind you, thats pretty steep hardwork too!):p

The Revolt
This was my first effort at writing a novel and this was when I was around 12. It was supposed to be set in the 2nd World War in a tiny inconsequential nation near the Czech Republic and it was a story of how the army, the press and the government come together to smartly bring the Nazis down on their knees and remain uncaptured throughout the World War. All the names – of places, people and newspapers were researched from the Encyclopaedia Britannica so that they sounded authentically European and exotic and powerful. So the protagonist was a loafer disowned by his parents and he goes on to lead the resistance. The heroine is the daughter of the newspaper baron of the country. It had all the makings of an angry, powerful, multi-starrer blockbuster with outrageous set pieces involving deceit and guerrilla strategies to out-think the evil Germans. I was going to describe the most expensive set ever made as the central parliament of the country with Bernini and a few other sculptors of his time coming together to construct the damn thing. (the rest of the sculptors’ names I don’t even remember!)

The Final Resolution
Satan and God are both organised sector companies with billion dollar donations and massive investments in global stock markets. Good Corp employs dead people to dish out scripts for the new borns who are born once their script is ready on how their life will turn out. Evil Corp. guys are quite restless as they have to try and disrupt these scripts and they aren’t doing too well. Their best chance is now as they have access to 5 ripe young minds who have been destined to greatness by the Good Corp guys and now the Evil guys plan to fuck around with their brains and gain control over the 5 most powerful countries in the world. Funnily, these 5 guys belong to the same country, the same state, the same city and the same college. Whats more, they are the Top 5 of their college festival happening in August this year (get the drift?? :p)

The burden to save the world rested on these young delicate shoulders!
The one on the extreme right eventually slays the Satan! \m/
The climax happens in the college festival as after becoming Heads of States when they grow up and realising that they have been manipulated into evil by the Satan, they turn back time to destroy Satan once and for all on the night it all started – The War of DJs night at this festival of theirs when they went to the roof of their college and Satan had struck. :P

WCE – World Cricketing Entertainment
A fictional saga on how every cricket match ever played is fixed and how the players, the betting industry, the governing bodies, the businessmen and governments use the game to make money and dupe the public until a cherubic curly haired kid comes along with a mickey mouse voice and a killer straight drive and changes the way cricket should be played

Hehehe.. if you are still here after reading all that, here is a list of stories I would want to write someday:

A musical (or a poetrical?) of a bollywood superstar who is doing his last movie and in the course of it is driven to murder, rape and suicide

An Alternative History of Islam – want to change some key moments in history and see how Islam would turn out in today’s world

A biography of a Media Mogul of modern times – hopefully, an autobiography :p

A story where Delhi and Bombay play lead roles – I am willing to tweak the story in any way just so that these 2 get the starring role and I can write pages and pages about them. You don’t care about the script so much if Aamir and SRK are signed on now, do you? :p

A children’s story set in the Dadar railway station – how one night an old man comes and gives these street urchins a set of clues that they chase all night throughout the station – its toilets, platforms, stores, trains and tracks - at the end of which they stand to get a treasure – only, the treasure is something they hadn’t imagined.

And one last thing, I want to write a teeny-bopper, bubble-gum love story – dunno what will be the hook, the tweak, the angle which will make it different but really want to write one someday :p


Ankit Doshi said...

hahahaha!! Nice read....Outrageous but nice

Miti said...

Good one! Maybe you can just publish a book on "book attempts" :P

The Final Resolution was the best idea (of course!)... Considering your state during the festival days, I think you could slay ANYone with just your "charming smile" :P

Yo MamaSita said...

Cast me as your director please..for all your movies :) :)

Dhairya Sanghvi said...

irritatingly excessive use of ':p's...a good read otherwise..though i knew about most of it

ishneet said...

hee hee.. Gud one.. :)
nd u luk quite different in ur pic..